My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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