i dont even know how to be here
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize