I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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