My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
