Sry I called you an 8
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Vodka?
Forever.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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