Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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