I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
