I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
