remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
