and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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