I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
