my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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