i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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