what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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