and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
