Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
