She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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