Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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