I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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