i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
