if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
