My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
