you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize