just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
