My first STD was from a foam party
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
