He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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