when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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