I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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