I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
