I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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