We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
