Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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