nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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