i think my tv is drunk
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He felt like a one man threesome
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
