I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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