Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
