Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
