hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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