You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
