Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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