when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
