All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
