I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
