I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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