Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Ladies don't puke and tell
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
