no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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