Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
