barbara walters just said penis...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
