so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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