You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
