omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
