Your dad touched me again.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
