you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
