Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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