Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
