i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize