Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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