I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Welp...herpes.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
