literally had 100 drinks last night.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
