I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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