he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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