i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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