Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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