Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
