Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
