The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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