all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
