If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
