I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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