LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
