you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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