when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
