...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
