Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize