I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
