dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
