We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
