If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
