If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
