Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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