I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
The ass gains better be worth it
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
