i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
too bad you live with your parents still
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
