He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
