So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize