Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
