I like my sex mixed with concussions.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
