I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
