is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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