Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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